Do I Want To Fly With The Pho?

So “The Flying Pho” and I have had the talk and and he wants to be official, however there is one problem and I’m not sure if it’s completely absurd or a legitimate concern, given my Asian Fixation and all… here goes,

He’s not really “Asian” enough for me…

Feel free to roll your eyes at this point.

Ok so the lowdown on “The Flying Pho”, he moved here from Vietnam with his parents when he was about 3, he was a refugee and came from nothing. He grew up 5 minutes away from Cabramatta and was the typical Asian kid at school but then he hit uni and became “white washed”, his parents worked hard and did all the right things to put him through flight school and he is now a successful first officer for an airline but there is something bothering me….

So I’m pretty damn proud of myself for snagging a hot Vietnamese guy, I have to admit as far as pure looks go I always seem to go weak at the knees for a Vietnamese guy but my knowledge of Vietnamese culture is based on movies. Movies like Full Metal Jacket, Tropic Thunder and that bit in Forrest Gump where he saves bubba and gets shot in the buttocks mixed with a few trips to those amazing Vietnamese roll shops. So before I crack the ten dollar sucky sucky, love you long time jokes, I get the feeling that’s where ”The Flying Phos” knowledge of Vietnamese “culture” ends too.


He speaks Vietnamese but can’t read it and has only ever dated one mixed Asian girl before, he has actually told me he doesn’t find Asian women attractive, I’ve witnessed this first hand when seeing gorgeous Asian women walk by us and he doesn’t seem to notice but if a hotter, skinner, taller version of me walks by he can barely keep his tongue in his mouth.

He isn’t a mummy’s boy, can grow a 5 o’clock shadow by 3pm, owns his own home, doesn’t live off Asian food and wouldn’t know k pop if it bit him in the (very cute little) ass. He even has the whitest profession on the planet – A Pilot! (his words, not mine)  and speaking to him on the phone, you would expect Crocodile Dundee to be on the other end ready to show you his knife.


The other slight issue is he is a small guy, not “K-Doc” small but he’s a few centimeters taller than me and although he works out and has a great body… it’s pretty obvious the guy struggles to keep on weight. I know this is so not the right discussion to have here but I think I have to admit I find it hard to date guys that aren’t taller and bigger than me. I never thought it would bother me as much as it has but I think my experiences with “K-Doc” and now “The Flying Pho” have sealed the deal for me – I need a big, strong Asian man (I know the pool is getting smaller and smaller)

Maybe I’m talking total rubbish at 2:30am, maybe I’m just terrified because he actually really likes me, I really like him and this could possibly work. Maybe I just don’t have a damn clue what I want and I insist on self-sabotaging every guy that comes my way.

I’ve often been asked if its Asian culture or Asian men I find more attractive and I’ve always insisted it’s the men for the most part but I am starting to see there are certain traits more common in Asian men that are more important to me then I first thought and I’m starting to wonder if I will ever be able to find the right balance of what I want.

They are either too Asian or too white washed…


19 thoughts on “Do I Want To Fly With The Pho?

  1. Keep going – it might turn out that in a few weeks or months, you realise that he can make you happy without having these traits you think you need! 🙂 And maybe your interest in Asian culture will rub off a bit on him.

  2. Watching the videos in the YouTube channel AllSoBeautiful will make you understand. Perhaps you’ll hopefully find you need to change your thoughts in regards to Asian men.

    • Thanks for the suggestion Retro, thats such an interesting channel, I’ve only watched 2 videos and so far they only seem to discuss wmaf relationships, still found it interesting though, i’ll watch the other videos

  3. You can take the boy out of Vietnam. But you really can’t take the Vietnamese out of the boy. I am kind of like him in that regards. What we have been doing our entire lives is learning to adapt to our surroundings. But, our culture is always within us. In the same sense that you are attracted to his culture, he too is attracted to yours. But, he’s been living your culture for so long that it has become natural. My suggestion would be to be patient. The more comfortable he gets around you, the more he will probably reveal more of himself. It’s just that we have been taught to keep our ways within the home. Outside of the home, you must adapt. That is how you succeed. Could I be absolutely wrong about him? Sure. But, my experience would bet that I’m right.

    You have to understand that after the war, we were dispersed to all corners of the earth. There was no organization to our way of life especially with our parents working multiple jobs in order to survive. But, I’m willing to bet his family told stories at the dinner table. I learned a lot of my family’s history, our culture, and our way of life by conversations at the dinner table. All of the aunts, uncles, and grandparents talk about the old country. Believe me, it’s there. He probably feels as if he just has to let it out in small doses. My wife called me an “Asian redneck” when we were first dating. I did grow up in Texas and she grew up in New York. Now, I love immersing her my family’s history, culture, food, and overall way of life. And at the same time, I love learning more about her. He wants to learn about you just as much as you would like to learn about his culture. And yes, Vietnamese culture goes far beyond Hollywood’s ridiculous interpretation of us. If he’s a refugee like me, ask him for his escape story. Let him know you’re curious about his family’s history. Then, grab a seat. You should be in for a ride.

  4. are u clinically insane??? u got yourself a keeper in a way but now your discussing physical traits such as height, his redneckness and the inability of him to relate to his roots??? man it’s such a ahrd world for asian guys in the whilte realm…not only must u be asian, u gotta be tall, blinged up, keep in touch with your roots and also not be so red necky? gees u askin for heaps. i think perhaps you should think about the fact the end of the day…. you may just not be compatible with him because well..some people are just not compatible whether it is this incompatible nature that you have with him because your not attracted hard enough to his physical and characteristic attributes. you should think hard before you reboot…. well done though its always a fascinating read. hope u can keep this on the down low. any bigger and it will get out of hand and all your exes will come back to bite u hard hahaha^^

  5. youe impossible and picky…BOTH!~~blinged up in the post 30 years mean house good job etc etc not bling bling as in pre 30 bling.
    i meant ex date guys

  6. I think it’s probably too early for you to be worrying about whether you want to be committed to this guy. If you enjoy hanging out with him, then just keep doing it. Sooner or later, you should have the answers to your questions.

  7. Lol, not to be judgement all in saying this but you should try the Asian ones who grew up in a multicultural society like Singapore or Malaysia … The people in these countries basically grew up in a westernized society that’s yet raised with Asian values.. Probably choose these ones that by choice have migrated overseas by choice at about age 25, and have successfully integrated into another society without problems or complications to return back to their home country.. Not to be biased, but what you’re describing sounds like you haven’t found Mr. Right yet..

    • “The One” was Singaporean and had only been here a handful of years, he almost gave me a complex about being white he was borderline racist lol i know you cant judge all of them by one but it is quite hard to find that balance, they are either too white washed or too anti white lol
      i’m sure he is out there, still hanging in there with “The Flying Pho” he’s starting to grow one me 🙂

  8. Hahahaha. I do understand the height thing. I used to have a rule where I always said “yes” to first dates (it’s rude to judge by looks alone) and usually had a great time…

    But it was always hard dating a shorter guy. I’ve only done it once and it started off ok, but by the end it turned into yet another thing we fought about (and I looooooooooove high heels. If I can’t wear them on dates PERIOD, then I’m sad).

    But my fiance is Asian, tall, very well built, has a job, sweet, and is in touch with his roots (possibly too much), so I wouldn’t worry about whether guys like that really exist. They do. Just, you know, don’t stress it. Your guy sounds fun~

    • I’ve never had the guy make a comment about me wearing heels but you can tell it bothers them, i almost wear my highest heels as a test to see how big their ego is lol short or not i want a guy who is comfortable within himself, even if i tower over him for the sake of looking good.
      Lucky you, your fiance sounds great 🙂


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