It shouldn’t be that difficult right? That hard parts done, you’ve bagged yourself a hot Asian guy and he’s astounded that you like him, why wouldn’t he? You’re gorgeous and he’s never dated white girl before. Well after the novelty wears off (which it will) you will have the same problems any other couple has but there are also a few things you need to know when dating as Asian.
Speaking again from purely experience, here are some things to remember when dating an Asian guy.
Off with your shoes!
I’ve never met an Asian who didn’t ask me to take my shoes off when entering their home and the sheer struggle they go through when I tell them they don’t have to take their shoes off in my home in pretty amusing, best to let them just do their thing.
I understand why they do that in countries where you sleep, eat and live on the floor or in a brand new home with fluffy clean carpet but I live in a rented apartment. I have no idea of the dodgy going ons of the previous tenants, I know they weren’t Asian because the floor was filthy when I moved in and I keep getting mail for Mrs Rodrigues. So with that in mind, my shoes stay on in my apartment! In fact due to my bizarre foot phobia, I’d rather people keep their shoes on in my house.
What I would take from this is to take off your shoes when entering any Asians home, regardless if asked or not and if things get serious between you and your Asian guy and he starts frequenting your home more, I would buy him a pair of shoes or slippers to wear in your home and get used to the line of shoes that is going to start breeding at your front door.
Asian Food is not all Pad Thai and spring rolls
His mother will always be a better cook then you. This doesn’t mean that you can’t attempt to cook Asian food but trust me… his mother will cook it better and when you are invited to try his mother’s cooking at least attempt to try it, even the chicken feet! Just remember as a former vegetarian, if I can – you can too! Keep a glass of water handy and gum to get the taste of offal out of your mouth after.
When dealing with spicy, and we aren’t talking Nandos extra hot spicy here, we are talking about eye watering, sweat forming, ring burning Asian spicy! Keep a glass of milk next to you or bread to soften the blow (water will just make it worse) Try not to let the spicy food hit the tip of your tongue and get used to it!
It’s all about the money
One of the biggest shocks to me when I started dating an Asian guy was the way money is seen as sooo important, like mega important… Ok it’s important to everyone but trust me, for Asians it’s like pretty much on par with their family and breathing, you are just going to have to get used to the fact that his family will come first, then money, then you.
There are usually two types of Asians I’ve encountered when it comes to dealing with money.
The flashy ones
These guys usual have the biggest and shiniest and best of everything, well at least everything that can be seen – they have the right car, the right clothes and he will probably buy you a hugely shiny hideous designer bag with the biggest logo on it he could find (you will say thank you and graciously accept it, carry it around with pride whenever you’re out with him, or if you think he can handle it, let him know it’s not your style and you might like something a little more subtle).
Then you get to his house and it’s a shared studio apartment with 4 other Asians and a mattress on the floor, some crap toilet paper and no frills noodles stashed next to the kitchen/his bedroom/stolen sugar packets from cafes. This is one of the biggest mysteries of Asians to me, why would you put what everyone can see above your own comfort at home? No idea.
I always see the shocked look on my dates face when they see I have my own room and an apartment filled with furniture and (most shocking of all) only one tasteful designer bag where the label is barely seen.
The shitty tiny apartment is my suggestion as to why Asians always seem to be out and never at home, take a look around the CBD at 1am on a weeknight and they are just out roaming around, drinking coffee and chatting and why wouldn’t they want to avoid their home? Their BMW is more comfy then the apartment they live in.
Just remember pride is huge to Asians, money = pride and respect! and subtlety is not in their vocabulary. Why? Their family may have grown up in poverty and he works damn hard for that hideous Louis Vuitton bag he just bought you or he might just be really materialistic. I don’t really understand it but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that they can be expected to take care of their parents, unlike in Australia where compulsory super is saved for your retirement and most parents expect you to take up fee help if you want to go to uni. A lot of Asian parents sacrificed a lot for their children (especially the sons) they either came out here with nothing or have worked hard to bring their family here and educate them so they can have more than what they were raised with. Just make sure he doesn’t treat you like a shiny new toy to show off and dispose of you when he gets bored and wants an upgrade.
These guys are usually a little more practical but they have no debt and are usually saving for their own home or supporting their parents etc. After a few dates he will probably tactfully suggest you split the bill, which I think is fair. They pay for everything in cash and hate having to spend when they feel it’s not required and will park half an hour away if it saves them a buck, so stash flats in your bag to avoid blisters. I think these guys can be great to motivate you to save as well.
Just keep in mind when around his family and friends, let him pick up the bill, I made the mistake of paying my own way into a club once when out with “The One” he later told me I embarrassed him in front of his friends as the man should pay for the woman.
This was when I discovered the culture of Asians and money, for example when his younger family members would visit he was expected to treat them, when his relatives would visit he also picked up the tab for everything, this can be a landmine at the beginning of a relationship, so just ask him to explain how he feels about the money situation and work it out from there.
His Asian friends
Whether he has dated white girls before or not, be prepared to be one of the few (or only) Caucasian people in his group of friends, be prepared to be asked if you have yellow fever once they relax around and you and be prepared to sit there while they talk in their native language around you. I find this particularly offensive if they can speak perfect English and they know you can’t speak their language.
Remember you are dating him, not his friends but if this bothers you, just speak up! Let them know you would love to be able to join in the conversation and if they could speak English it would really help you out. They may or may not take a while to warm up to you but do make the effort to fit it, just don’t go pulling out peace signs and ordering bubble tea for the sake of it, he knows he’s dating white girl and you will just come off looking like a try hard if you try and act “Asian”.
If he’s dating a white girl, he wants a white girl.
Sure learning his language and trying the food he loves is helpful but suddenly dressing like you’re a in a k-pop video and eating everything with chopsticks is going to be a bit much.
Just be yourself and be open to trying new things. If you like Asian guys you probably have an interest in Asian culture anyways just don’t lose your identity over a guy. That’s good advice for whoever you are dating.
The Little Prince syndrome
If you are dating an Asian guy, especially an only son or child – welcome to being second best ALL THE TIME! This kid has grown up with whatever he wanted, when he wanted, even if his parents weren’t wealthy, they would have sold their organs to give him what he wanted and you may find he expects you to as well.
His mother is going to hate you (unless she is in the mindset that marrying a Caucasian in “upgrading”), you will never be good enough and don’t ever expect anyone to understand your point of view.
The opposite side of this, is that your man probably has a great sense of responsibility toward his family and loved ones, he will work extremely hard and do everything he can for them and you. It’s his responsibility to carry on the family name and make sure his family is seen as strong and proud, therefore he works his butt off!
One thing to look out for with when dating the only son is that regardless of whether he wants to admit it, he is only human and any human who works that much and has that much responsibility on his shoulders is going to get stressed but he most likely will never let you know as that would be a sign of weakness, so make sure you are there for him when he’s had a crappy day and just make sure the favour is returned when you need emotional support.
And I don’t expect any man of any nationality reading this to understand it. It’s a mans world and feminism has a long way to go before we are considered equal.
Now I don’t mean to sound all negative but these are just a few landmines I had to trip on myself during my first few experiences with Asian men, I could have saved myself a lot of raised eyebrows and misunderstandings if I just realised a lot of these traits are just what Asians do.
He’s bound to find some of the things you do strange and weird too, so just make sure the communication is there, like in any good relationship and you should be all good.