So you’re dating an Asian guy

It shouldn’t be that difficult right? That hard parts done, you’ve bagged yourself a hot Asian guy and he’s astounded that you like him, why wouldn’t he? You’re gorgeous and he’s never dated white girl before. Well after the novelty wears off (which it will) you will have the same problems any other couple has but there are also a few things you need to know when dating as Asian.

Speaking again from purely experience, here are some things to remember when dating an Asian guy.

Off with your shoes!

I’ve never met an Asian who didn’t ask me to take my shoes off when entering their home and the sheer struggle they go through when I tell them they don’t have to take their shoes off in my home in pretty amusing, best to let them just do their thing.

I understand why they do that in countries where you sleep, eat and live on the floor or in a brand new home with fluffly clean carpet but I live in a rental apartment, I have no idea of the dodgy going ons of the previous tenants, I know they weren’t Asian because the floor was filthy when I moved in and I keep getting mail for Mrs Rodrigues. So with that in mind, my shoes stay on in my apartment, in fact due to my bizarre foot phobia, I’d rather people keep their shoes on in my house.

What I would take from this is to take off your shoes when entering any Asians home, regardless if asked or not and if things get serious between you and your Asian guy and he starts frequenting your home more, I would buy him a pair of shoes or slippers to wear in your home and get used to the line of shoes that is going to start breeding at your front door.

Asian Food is not all Pad Thai and spring rolls

His mother will always be a better cook then you, this doesn’t mean you can’t attempt to cook Asian food but trust me… his mother will cook it better and when you are invited to try his mother’s cooking at least attempt to try it, even the chicken feet!  Just remember as a former vegetarian, if I can – you can too! Keep a glass of water handy and gum to get the taste of offal out of your mouth after.

When dealing with spicy, and we aren’t talking Nandos extra hot spicy here, we are talking about eye watering, sweat forming, ring burning Asian spicy! Keep a glass of milk next to you or bread to soften the blow (water will just make it worse) Try not to let the spicy food hit the tip of your tongue and get used to it!

 

It’s all about the money

One of the biggest shocks to me when I started dating an Asian guy was the way money is seen as sooo important, like mega important… ok it’s important to everyone but trust me, for Asians it’s like pretty much on par with their family and breathing, you are just going to have to get used to the fact that his family will come first, then money, then you.

There are usually two types of Asians I’ve encountered when it comes to dealing with money.

The flashy ones

These guys usual have the biggest and shiniest and best of everything, well at least everything that can be seen – they have the right car, the right clothes and he will probably buy you a hugely shiny hideous designer bag with the biggest logo on it he could find (you will say thank you and graciously accept it, carry it around with pride whenever you’re out with him, or if you think he can handle it, let him know it’s not your style and you might like something a little more subtle).

Then you get to his house and it’s a shared studio apartment with 4 other Asians with a mattress on the floor, some crap toilet paper and no frills noodles stashed next to the kitchen/his bedroom/stolen sugar packets from cafes. This is one of the biggest mysteries of Asians to me, why would you put what everyone can see above your own comfort at home? No idea.

I always see the shocked look on my dates face when they see I have my own room and an apartment filled with furniture and (most shocking of all) only one tasteful designer bag where the label is barely seen.

The shitty tiny apartment is my suggestion why Asians always seem to be out and never at home, take a look around the cbd at 1am on a weeknight and they are just out roaming around, drinking coffee and chatting and why wouldn’t they want to avoid their home? Their BMW is more comfy then the apartment they live in.

Just remember pride is huge to Asians, money = pride and respect and subtlety is not in their vocabulary. Why? Their family may have grown up in poverty and he works damn hard for that hideous Louis Vuitton bag he just bought you or he might just be really materialistic. I don’t really understand it but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that they can be expected to take care of their parents, unlike in Australia where super is saved for your retirement and most parents expect you to take up fee help if you want to go to uni, a lot of Asian parents sacrificed a lot for their children (especially the sons) they either came out here with nothing or have worked hard to bring their family here and educate them so they have more than what they were raised with. Just make sure he doesn’t treat you like a shiny new toy to show off and dispose of you when he gets bored and wants an upgrade.

The Savers

These guys are usually a little more practical but they have no debt and are usually saving for their own home or supporting their parents etc. after a few dates he will probably tactfully suggest you split the bill, which I think is fair. They pay for everything in cash and hate having to spend when they feel it’s not required and will park half an hour away if it saves them a buck, so stash flats in your bag to avoid blisters. I think these guys can be great to motivate you to save as well.

Just keep in mind when around his family and friends, let him pick up the bill, I made the mistake of paying my own way into a club once when out with “The One” he later told me I embarrassed him in front of his friends as the man should pay for the woman.

This was when I learnt about the culture of Asians and money, for example when his younger family members would visit he was expected to treat them, when his relatives would visit he also picked up the tab for everything, this can be a landmine at the beginning of a relationship, so just ask him to explain how he feels about the money situation and work it out from there.

His Asian friends

Whether he has dated white girls before or not, be prepared to be one of the few (or only) Caucasian people in his group of friends, be prepared to be asked if you have yellow fever once they relax around and you and be prepared to sit there while they talk in their native language around you, I find this particularly offensive if they can speak perfect English and they know you can’t speak their language.

Remember you are dating him, not his friends but if this bothers you, just speak up! Let them know you would love to be able to join in the conversation and if they could speak English it would really help you out. They may or may not take a while to warm up to you but do make the effort to fit it, just don’t go pulling out peace signs and ordering bubble tea for the sake of it, he knows he’s dating  white girl and you will just come off looking like a try hard if you try and act “Asian”.

If he’s dating a white girl, he wants a white girl.

Sure learning his language and trying the food he loves is helpful but suddenly dressing like you’re a in a k-pop video and eating everything with chopsticks is going to be a bit much.

Just be yourself and be open to trying new things. If you like Asian guys you probably have an interest in Asian culture anyways just don’t lose your identity over a guy. That’s good advice for whoever you are dating.

The Little Prince syndrome

If you are dating an Asian guy, especially an only son or child – welcome to being second best ALL THE TIME! This kid has grown up with whatever he wanted, when he wanted, even if his parents weren’t wealthy, they would have sold their organs to give him what he wanted and you may find he expects you to as well.

His mother is going to hate you (unless she is in the mindset that marrying a Caucasian in “upgrading”), you will never be good enough and don’t ever expect anyone to understand your point of view.

The opposite side of this, is that your man probably has a great sense of responsibility toward his family and loved ones, he will work extremely hard and do everything he can for them and you. It’s his responsibility to carry on the family name and make sure his family is seen as strong and proud, therefore he works his butt off!

One thing to look out for with when dating the only son is that regardless of whether he wants to admit it, he is only human and any human who works that much and has that much responsibility on his shoulders is going to get stressed but he most likely will never let you know as that would be a sign of weakness, so make sure you are there for him when he’s had a crappy day and just make sure the favour is returned when you need emotional support.

Communicate

Now I don’t mean to sound all negative but these are just a few landmines I had to trip on myself during my first few experiences with Asian men, I could have saved myself a lot of raised eyebrows and misunderstandings if I just realised a lot of these traits are just what Asians do.

He’s bound to find some of the things you do strange and weird too, so just make sure the communication is there, like in any good relationship and you should be all good.

Advertisements

18 thoughts on “So you’re dating an Asian guy

  1. another good one nadz…keep it going!~ interesting how you pick out all the typical stereo-types and roll em into a sushi roll like this… good for those people dating the typical asians… hopefully the next one will be a fundamental bogan asian who will spice things up a bit on topics like this…. and give you a different view on the typical aspects.

  2. I love this blog so, so much… it’s like I’m having my very mind read. Except the part about not understanding his language doesn’t apply to me, since I’m semi-fluent in Japanese and take every opportunity I can to speak it, and mostly go for Japanese guys because of this. And I’m very into Japanese culture anyway, so hopefully I can eventually find the guy of my dreams!

  3. Loving your blog and the cute Totoro at the top. I hope you start writing again!

    My boyfriend always takes his shoes off at the door, even if he has forgotten something inside and we’re in a rush to leave! It’s SO annoying! And luckily for me, his Mum doesn’t hate me! 😛

    • Thanks so much, I’ve started following your blog 🙂 the shoe thing cracked me up, one time i took a step into a guys room to take my shoes off and he freaked out! like i just stomped mud through his room or something lol

      • Thanks for he follow!

        I’ve always been told to take my shoes off by my Mum when I get into the house (often ignoring her) but the extent that I have to be clean in my boyfriend’s house is too much! I was even told not to drip water on the bathroom mat which is hard with all my hair D:

        (Btw, just read your latest blog post and I’m happy to see Australia has Nando’s) 😀

  4. Hi I’m new to this blog and I’m enjoying reading your articles since some of points are really interesting & inspiring. Well done!

  5. Bullshit. I am NONE of these things she mentioned. Sure I save when I can (obviously you can’t when you’re unemployed), but that’s a good thing surely, otherwise we’d all be living in the moment and not for the future.

    My parents weren’t wealthy – and they made me realise that, and how difficult it was to earn their way in life. You shouldn’t stereotype – no matter how often you see it – because one day when you come across that person who would just click with you, you would ignore because the stereotypes tell you to stay away

    • I Never said these things were particularly negative or that i wouldn’t see a guy i liked because of any of these things. Drop the aggression and and read it again. At the very least, man up and identify yourself if you’re going to attack my blog which is obviously about liking Asian men and how to understand the differences someone from a different culture may come across dating them.

  6. Interesting views–and I’ve seen all the stereotypes you’ve described. However, a good man–whatever the race–will grow from habits or lifestyles. A good man will also make sacrifices and changes as needed for the sake of his love, to include protecting his wife from his parents. There’s a way to do that while still honoring and being prepared to provide for BOTH of your parents (it should go both ways). This idea of protecting the wife from the husband’s parents, or putting the wife above the parents, is called “leaving and cleaving” (from the Bible). You leave your parents, and cleave to your wife. Hopefully you will find a man who loves you sacrificially. I am an Asian male married to a white female, and I’ve put this into practice myself. We have a wonderful relationship.

Comment?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s