Being a white woman in an Asian mans world is hard.

Why is it so hard for a white girl to find an Asian boyfriend?

I can only speak from my personal experiences and I can tell you its damn hard! Firstly, I’m going to point out the obvious, Asians only really ever seem to hang around other Asians. This is based purely on my observation and of course I have plenty of Asian friends and know they have other friends who aren’t Asian but whenever I spot a cute Asian guy, he seems to be surrounded by other Asians. This raises two problems for me, the first being… what if he can’t speak English? Now I don’t think I’m being racist or ignorant here, I know the majority of immigrants can speak English, I know that “The One’s” first language was English, even growing up in Singapore but occasionally I have met tourists who barely speak a word of English and also new immigrants who my Asian friends have pointed out may be embarrassed by their beginner English skills, which is why they choose to socialise only with other Asians and clam up when speaking to another person whose first language is English.

The other problem is they may not be into non Asians, I have met Asian guys who will only date other Asians, which is their choice and I respect it, I think it’s totally unfair and will pout about it but it’s their choice.

On the rare occasion I have worked up the courage to ask an Asian guy out I am usually met with the same response “really?” followed by them asking me if I have “Yellow Fever” or if I’m into Asian guys and why?

  • If I ever do get past the actual introduction phase, then I usually (not all the time but most of the time) find myself categorised into one of the two.The “White Girl Experiment” for Asian guys, more often than not I often hear comments from the guy I’m on a date with referring to my race, things like “do Aussies do this or that..” or I get asked questions about why Aussie girls do this or that… they will tell me they have never been with a non Asian girl and it takes them forever to introduce me their friends (if ever), I will never ever meet his parents (unless he is going through a rebellious phase) and they always seem impressed when I can use chopsticks, constantly drop hints to let me know not all Asian guys are small “down there” and ask me if I’m ok with trying spicy food.

These guys move slower than a snail and take forever to actually show any sign of commitment or vulnerability, they usually have huge egos and tend to try and show me what I’ve apparently been missing out on.

  • I can also end up being the “White Trophy” I actually had one guy tell me how impressed his friends would be that not only was he dating a white girl but that I was a “real Aussie with blonde hair and blue eyes” needless to say he wasn’t dating a white girl for much longer. These guys seem to take great pleasure in pointing out our differences and move way too fast, they will invite me to a family dinner within 2 weeks of meeting me and parade me around to all their friends like a shiny new car. They are usually really lazy and think they can get away without putting in any effort. The shine wears off pretty fast and I either dump them or become the dumpee.

So how does a white girl meet an Asian guy? I’ve exhausted all my connections, asking my friends if they have any nice single Asian male friends for me, I can’t do the club scene again and the last time I approached a cute Korean waiter at a restaurant and asked him out, he ended up being young enough to put me in jail (damn it’s tricky to tell), most Asian guys to me look about 15 until they look 90.

The other problem I have, is that Asian guys rarely approach me, I’ve been told by many that this is because they assume white girls don’t like Asian guys and if I approach them, there is the huge possibility that I will scare them off as I’m playing up to the stereotype that white women are aggressive and outspoken. It’s a double edge samurai sword.

Do I really have to resort to online dating?

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46 thoughts on “Being a white woman in an Asian mans world is hard.

  1. Hey i just found your blog. I’m the same – I’m really really attracted to asian guys, but they don’t seem to notice. I’m envious of your blonde hair and blue eyes because they do seem to go for that more often then not.

    I’m going to follow you now. LOL – maybe we can boost each other along. It’s so hard!

  2. Hey stranger. I am Chinese and I had a white girlfriend previously. Trust me, we do find white girls attractive. Let me tell you this, most of the Asian guys I know of (the “fobbish” one, including me) don’t know how to approach to any non Asian women due to culture differences. Usually we don’t start off “going on a date” (which is very common in Western countries, but it doesn’t apply to us), that phrase has an entirely different meanings, lets just say it means something a bit more serious from western’s definition. My tips for you would be: Take it slow, let him know that you are interested, and then ask him out may be in a week or 2 (assume that jackass doesn’t have the balls to ask you out first). I am not sure if it would make you feel better, I talked/texted with my ex-girlfriend for about a months before I went out with her on our first date. May be it is just me, but I think being conservative works in your favor (you don’t want some Asian dude with white girl fetish) =) hope it helps !!

    • Hey thanks for the comment and reading my blog, you have given me a bit to think about. I do think the tide is turning very recently though, I have seen more and more AMWF couples around, I hope it starts to become more common, kinda getting sick of having to rely to meeting Asian guys online.

      • Oh.. it is more than just common here in United States. I am from Las Vegas, and there are lots of AMWF. You just need to wait for the right person at the right place. It is all about timing. There is no point for meeting Asian guys online desperately. Be honest with yourself. How many online dating story are actually true and long lasting? Instead of being hardheaded and fixating on one Asian dude (ex: your beloved Dr. Korean), go out more often, meet more new people. Believe me, a man is a man, regardless of different cultures, we always want to have intimate moments with the girl we like, either intellectually, physically/sexually. Does it tell you something? learn to let go =) I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, but it ached me when I read your blog entries. I apologize if my comment hurt your feeling, but I truly do wish you the best luck finding the ONE !

        • Hi TDMD, thanks for the comment, If it bothered me that much what total strangers thought of me, I wouldn’t be blogging about my love life, so no offence taken.
          I actually have a few friends who have found their partners online, one recently got married to them and another is engaged. I don’t think online dating has the same stigma attached to it in Australia as it seems to have in other countries, it still does have a slight whiff of desperation but I think it can also be a good way to break the ice, I’m not the type to walk up to strangers and if you have read other entries in my blog I find it quite divided here at times, more often than not an Asian guy is surrounded by his Asian friends and if he isn’t, then he’s most likely Aussie born and I’m actually less attracted to and Aussie born Asian then I am to an Asian born Asian.
          Also, I think it was probably a typo and you meant my beloved ex “The One” because trust me, “The Korean Doctor” is long gone from my mind, I actually can’t remember his real name, does that make me a horrible person? lol that’s how little I care about him.
          “The One” the Singaporean? Hmm yeah I realise we aren’t going to be together ever again but I can’t just switch of my feelings for somebody I loved, not sure how guys work (clearly – this blog) but girls usually can’t just flip a switch. I’ve accepted it, that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it lol

          • Here in the San Francisco Bay Area, online dating is sometimes the only way to go. So many of these tech guys that work out here (Asian or not) work very hard and don’t always have time to meet people, especially in a humongous urban environment, sometimes online dating is the only solution, the approach is a lot different than in person because usually you’ll already know a bit about the other person, and being online has its own set pf etiquite rules, just be sure to meet then sooner rather than later. Good thing there are better websites now to weed out the creepers.

  3. No worries lovely.

    I’m actually a mod at AMWFSN – it’s an online networking for Asian Men and White Females. – Only down side being most of the lovely ones are half way across the world. While i’m cynical about meeting your partner online – it might be worth checking out ^.^

    I’ve just about given up – 😦

  4. Hi I just found your blog on the Internet. I am an Asian guy and I can tell you I find white girls extremely attractive. I always dream of dating and marrying white girls. But I find it very hard to have a chance to talk to them because they don’t seem to be interested in Asian guys…..

  5. My experience is white women are not interested in Asian guys. The few I’ve approached have turned me down so I assume most are not interested in me.

      • For the record, I am confident (ex. have acted), dress and groomed well, not a mama’s boy, take initiative, fit, good height, listener etc, etc. Check out my about page.
        I do notice I get more interest oveseas; for example, when I was in Sydney but that was probably more because I was a novelty from my Canadian accent & mannerisms. I even overheard French Women talking positively about me (I was in Montreal & they were talking in French, thinking I didn’t understand French).
        I’m saying here in Vancouver at least, if a woman are not open to Asian men in my age group, it doesn’t matter, she will not consider you as a potential no matter.

        • So phil get your hot ass to sydney! Lol but seriously don’t let it get you down because we are out there, I’ve had a few asian guys tell me that they don’t date white girls or in the words of “The One” i will never be good enough because i’m not yellow :p. some girls are like me and really open about it and others have just never considered it before and yeah some just aren’t attracted to you because they don’t like asians but screw those girls!

  6. Interesting article! that’s heaps help to me, I was looking for how to approach aussie females and somehow find out your blogs hehe! thank you, I like aussie not because they are white yo! ta

    • Geeze do i even dignify this moronic comment with a response? Try reading the rest of my blog before you judge so quickly, funny how your mind went straight to money, its kind of sad that you think money is all asians have going for them or that money attracts people who are worth knowing.
      I’ve dated the flashy cashed up guys both asian and white and it was a total turn off.
      Anyone can earn a decent salary or have daddy pay their way, it doesn’t impress me if thats all you have going for you. I’ve never understood why some asians seem to think money = pride and status.

  7. I just found out its hard to meet Aussie females in bris! They already have heaps of friends before they go to uni and even with same fds in the uni! See that is pretty hard to get in or break the circle!

  8. Stumbled upon this blog because i have given up myself too.

    I’ve dated 2 caucasian girls back home many moons ago, they were really fun to be with but i don’t think they were ever serious (hence breaking my heart into a million pieces, several years apart) Compared to them asian counterparts, caucasion females are free spirited and don’t usually dwell on old fights. Having a relationship with them is a blast and are definitely not as materialistic, socially conscious and not as uptight as the asian girls (sorry!).

    I’m 36, of chinese descent born and bred in SGP but everyone else down under thinks i’m korean or from mainland china and 24 yrs young hah!

    Finishing up my uni in Tassie this nov (yay!)..don’t mean to be rude but tassie girls are seriously narrow minded…or most of the island is anyways.

    Even the girls from the mainland have been converted to think and act like them just to fit in, such a shame. Some serious charm on this island huh. This is definltely not the australia that i remember when i backpacked here, before i got enlisted as goverment property. (OK, that was like 18 yrs ago…)

    Obviously, i had no luck..my convos hardly ever lasts over 2 mins before they start to fidget and try to get away (if i ever managed to get one to talk to me in the first place).

    I’ve noticed who these girls date and wonder all the time, are we that worse off than some douches they prefer to be with…why do we (asian men) always get the stereotyped impression that we are never good enough and get side stepped.

    Perhaps it’s the ongoing or overflowing immigration census that got the ‘originals’ thinking, hey that’s enough of them…or the steady gushes of mainland chinese migrants who sad to say, gives all oriental looking humans a reaaaally bad name.
    But i guess this is a resultant aftermath of globalization and secondary migration!

    It’s true that my accent will never develop over time into the australian overture, but it’s definitely a handicap being a non-white, non-aussie born male here in australia trying to date a local girl.

    I’ve hit the pinnacle of rejections today when a girl in class who was reasonable friendly through our previous minute catch ups gave me a face plant when i tried to ask her out, cementing that i should not try again, with aussie girls in their home country (white men aplenty).

    So Neko, i wonder why you can’t get any asian men to fall in love with you at first sight…i do know for a fact that there are heaps who will want to have a chance to go out with you all, but there aren’t alot of girls who are as awesome as you…i wished there were.

    Good luck in sydney 🙂

    • Hey thanks for the comment and for reading my blog, It sounds like you have met some pretty odd girls, try not to judge us all on that bitch who you asked out, she sounds like a total up herself bitch. I know the majority or Caucasian women wouldn’t date Asian men or have even thought about it but we are out there, promise and don’t judge us all based on a few freaks. I constantly have to remind myself not all Asian guys will be like “The One” constantly reminding me I’ll never be good enough for an Asian guy because I’m Australian. To be honest i think he gave me real complex about wanting to date Asian guys, before him i never really thought it was strange i just thought that was me and I’ve sabotaged many potential relationships by making it an issue, so try to relax and just be you, try not to be the Asian guy asking the white girl out, just be a charming, smart, witty guy asking a lucky girl out 🙂 I actually prefer Asian guys with their native accents and it’s kind of an ice breaker to compare our cultures and the way we pronounce words. Good luck in Tassie, maybe head over to Sydney when you are finished uni and meet some more open minded Aussie girls 🙂

      • I am asian and live in Sydney I believe you are the only open minded Aussie girl in Australia. We need more people like you. Trust me, most of the Aussie girls don’t even look, think and talk to asian guys. It works both ways. My sister is a native Hong Konger living in Hong Kong. She doesn’t like white people either. I am always attracted to white girls but have given up.

    • My suggestion is that you need to be more of a man. You at yourself in the mirror, and ask what can you do to make yourself more appealing to woman in general (not a specific race of women).

      The same way women take care of their bodies and style, you need to do the same thing as a man. Work on yourself, be confident (or at least fake it), and women will become curious about picturing themselves with you.

      No man should ever feel defeated just because a few girls rejected him. You should expect 99% to reject you. I know a hispanic guy who asked out over 200 girls, before some girl (who was white, not that it matters) said yes. He was 5’5″ and 200lbs.

      He has zero good stereotypes, but he was persistent. You need to apply the stereotype that the same way Asians never stop studying or working, apply that to improving yourself and approaching people (not just women for dates). Become conversational, become a fun guy, become a better man.

      I know plenty of Asian guys, and the ones with a defeat mindset are the ones who can’t get girls. They ALWAYS blame it on being Asian. But then I’ll look at my 12 or 13 Asian buddies who are all dating or married to non-Asian girls, and see how pathetic that attitude is. It’ll be like a black person blaming discrimination for the reason they didn’t finish high school. I’m not saying life is far, but you seriously need to man up, and deal with it (and then again, and again).

  9. You white bitches need to stop talkin bs, stop actin shy and just make a move. Im Asian and I’ve only dated white girls. My first ever gf was white that was when I was only 13. She straight up told me she loves Filipino guys and asked me out. A lot of girls were/are interested in me but are too shy to say it, I’m a slightly modest and quiet dude too so that dont help

  10. And for Asian guys or any guy for that matter, its all about having personality, being yourself, having confidence and being able to hold meaningful conversations. I can speak English very fluently with an Aussie accent so its an advantage for me. Look her in the eye when you’re talking to her, smile and sweet talk her. Once you win her heart, its easier to get in her pants. You dont have to be tall or very good looking either, just need confidence. Me and my cousin pull girls who are slightly or much taller than us and were only 5’7-5’8. Girls aren’t too much into race or looks, they’re more into your character and personality..But of course you’ll always encounter den racist ones and most of them have issues and insecurities anyway so just ignore them and move on to the next one. So to all you Asian brahs out there, just go out, do what you wanna do and fuuark what anyone else thinks. Peace.

  11. I can speak for myself when I say I’d never put a GF of any ethnicity through more public display than she wants without asking. The reason I won’t ask any girl out asian or otherwise is because it comes down to money. I would pay for dates, no problem but It hurts in this economy. and I don’t want ask for anything in return. Both because its a pride thing, and because lost in the translation, its how to expect a white girl to endure with you, when you’re already taking a chance outside your safety zone.

  12. Not sure how it is there im Australia as it is to the USA, but let me copy and paste what I posted in another blog. Hope this isn’t considered necroing.

    I myself am Asian. Born and raise in the San Francisco Bay Area. I have a large interest in White women. I still like Asian women, don’t get me wrong, but since attending a university, I started to become more attracted and interested in White women. I personally am attracted to a woman who are independent, can think rationally, aren’t “bitchy” but not weak. From my experience, I’ve found that White women control their emotions better while having a strong will.
    While being an American-borned Asian, I am Americanized (as can tell from my writing language here) while still able to retain my culture. Culture-wise, I am fully adapted to the norm here.
    I am a college graduate with a bachleors of science in biochemistry. Is it because I am Asian? No! It is because I choose not to be a lazy ass and get an education. It also does not mean I am a pushover. I am also a member of the United States Armed Forces (will not state which branch). So when people see or hear me talking back, they are surprised– it is like they have never seen an Asian guy talk back before.
    There are a lot of stereotypes against Asians. How I cope with it is by educating people, and sometimes talking back.
    “You are skinny, what can you do?” “Well this skinny Asian can kick your ass, that’s what he can do.”
    “You have a small penis.” “This small penis gives girls the best time of her life. And her baby will be smart and beautiful and will know how to treat a woman.”
    “Asians are so skinny!” “So what? I prefer to be skinny than obesed (no offense to anyone here) and live my life with cardiovascular disease.”
    “Asians can’t drive for sh*t!” “Ummm I’ve had my license since 16. I am 28 now. No accidents or tickets. Beat that, you sh*t!”
    “All Asians are smart.” “Wait till you meet my cousins then. And what is wrong with being smart? Isn’t that a good thing? When Asians first came to America, we were called stupid and unintelligent. Why the change?”

    I am a nice person, but don’t take my kindness for weakness. I am not such a weak person just because I am Asian.

    I have met some people who were just misinformed about Asians in general. I have met some who held false-beliefs from how they were raised and the lack of Asians growing up. I have taught and changed their concept of Asians completely. Lack of education is a problem. This blog is a great way to promote and educate people. With more blogs surfacing on the net, I can see AMWF making more sound in the dating realm. I have encountered many White women who were interested in me. I didn’t go past friendship as I was too busy being a full-time student and working almost full-time hours while still serving my country. 0500-2330 was my normal day WITHOUT study hours. I wish I did had time to date tho, however, I didn’t want the girl to feel hurt as if I was ignoring her. I am done with school now though.

  13. im in the same boat as you. Though im lucky becasue im going on an exchange student program with Japan. Im originally french but i moved to Canada and i’m 16 almost 17. im really shy so would never make the first move.I hope that spending a year in Japan might help me! I hope you will have a lot of luck as well!

  14. This is a little late, but I can agree with this from both parties. Me, from experience can understand conveying feelings to a different race difficult. My mom always brought up me dating or marrying a vietnamese girl. And she wouldn’t like it if I was going out with anyone other than that, because she has this stereotype that they’re all wild and party animals, but she got to know one of my exes I was dating and started treating her like a daughter. Until my ex broke it off towards the end of my tour and that did it for my mom. She was back to the way she was. That’s just a little story on how it can affect some asian guys out there, cause we value our families a lot, not saying nobody else does. I always had a open mind when dating other races and never really had a problem with it, it’s just hard when the majority of us were brought up to match up with our certain ethnicities. All I can say is get to know them, find out if they’re interested and make a move, even though guys should be making the first move most of the time. It doesn’t hurt if the girl makes the first move either. That just shows you what you want, which is a good thing.

  15. As an Asian man, the title of your blog caught my attention. Upon reading the content of your post, it doesn’t seem that you have it that “hard”. Asians do tend to be cliquish, but I don’t think that can be an impediment to date them. How are Asian women meeting men of other races then? Worrying about whether an Asian man is attracted to a white woman can’t be an issue either. The Caucasian race is often portrayed as the standard of beauty in the media. White women are on covers of magazines, billboards, posters, lead actresses in TV shows and movies, commercials, etc. On the other hand, the media constantly pulls the Asian man down and emasculates us. I think the real issue is whether white women find asian men attractive. You have pointed out that some asian men don’t approach white women because they feel that they may not be interested in them. This is the unfortunate perception that many asian men have with white women. I don’t think you can scare a man off by asking him out. That is all in your head. However, a lot of women are afraid to come off looking desperate by having to approach a man. I can see why you would be reluctant to be the one to initiate a conversation.

    The numbers are just not in favour for Asian men and white women couplings to come together. I live in North America. White men and Asian women couples are VERY common in cities with a sizable asian minority (as I would imagine is the same case in Australia as well). I have even heard of expat workers in Asian countries where the disparity still exists. I heard that white women are more inclined to seek out other white men in Asian countries. I read a blog by an asian guy and one particular statement relates very well to what I am saying here.

    “Given the constant stereotyping Asian-American men face in the media, Asian-American men approaching non-Asian women often either feel an unnecessary burden to prove themselves against Asian stereotypes or keep to themselves in fear of rejection.”

    The first part of that statement is very important. It is true that men of other races are more assertive in approaching women. However, that is often because women are more receptive towards them as well. To put it metaphorically, it takes two to tango. An Asian man who is tall, fit, well educated, successful in his career can often find it demeaning to have to put in the extra effort to try and charm a girl, because we are not the media representation of the “desired” man. It’s not always about having to make the first move. It is about the fact that a girl will be sitting stiff and cold in my presence and otherwise would be actively showing her interest if it were not for my race. This idea of keep working through the girls until you find one that is interested in you is not for me. I have a busy life and too much pride to be just putting myself on the line only to be constantly rejected for superficial reasons.

    I would also like to mention that the attraction may not be there. Let’s be real, looks do matter when it comes to meeting someone (for some more than others). Sometimes white girls try to pull an upgrade with an asian man. You may have a white girl that is 5/10 and she constantly gets rejected by the race of men that she wants to date. However, she notices that in the eyes of an asian man she can be seen as a “trophy” and then tries to turn it up a few levels by hoping to get with 8 or 9/10 asian guys. I am not saying that this your case or even your mindset. However, the few white women that do want to date an Asian man can sometimes be overlooked because the guy can get a much prettier asian girl.

    My suggestion to you would be to be yourself, look good, show interest, and be confident in yourself. The right asian guy will come.

    Regards.

  16. White women who are genuinely interested in Asian men are anomalies (such as yourself). There is a great lack of interest from the part of white women. I think this is largely due to the fact that other than asian women, white women tend to be the most easily influenced by pop culture and being conscious about how they maybe seen by others. Basically it is not “cool” to date an Asian guy. Dating trends might change in favor of Asian men in the future, but I don’t think it is going to happen in my lifetime. White women who blog or make YouTube videos about how they like Asian men are just exceptions. Right now, the minds of majority of white women seems far too polluted with perceiving the Asian with all kinds of beta male stereotypes. Then there is the issue of individual compatibility with the few white women who are interested in Asian men. As a result, we see many white men with asian women but spotting a white woman with an asian man becomes a rare sighting. My advice to fellow asian guys would be to branch out. You’d be surprised as to how many young and attractive black, latina, and middle eastern women can actually appreciate the many good qualities that we have to offer that many white and asian women are willing to ignore for the sake of keeping up with the trends. You are suffering if you keeping confining yourself to asian or white women. My advice to the author of this blog …. If you want to meet an asian guy then simply ask one of your asian girlfriends to hook you up.

  17. Just to make a counter point, there are entire communities for Asian men to meet and date Western/White women.I’d encourage any readers feeling down to visit Heyamwf.com. Its a place where an Asian guy can just feel like a normal person, and date lots of people.

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